If you were told tommorow was your last shift...

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If you were told tommorow was your last shift...

(40 posts) (30 voices)

Started 3 years ago by ExtraWhipForYourBunyons
Latest reply from ohgodpleasehelp

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ExtraWhipForYourBunyons

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OK baristas, shifties and managers.. (believe it or not.. I actually KNOW a few managers who regularly post on this blog. Don't you just love how this company keeps every level of the totem pole so happy? HAHA.) If you were to waltz on into work tomorrow and were told you were going to be let go by the company by a unexpected corporate decision, how would you "go out with a bang" so to speak? Knowing that you couldn't face consequence.. what antics would you pull as a final kick in the rear to your store?

I personally would make heavy whipping cream lattes for anyone who decides to order with nonfat milk. Have a great, healthy rest of your life, now.

Posted 3 years ago #
seashellez

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Please see: Things to do if you are quitting/think you are being axed (page 2). You could just not show up.

Posted 3 years ago #
DARKROAST

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Internets:1,442

Decaf EVERYBODY.
Make little slits at the bottom of the 5lbs. bullets of espresso, so when someone lifted them up to fill the hopper......
Get raw with customers who want to get raw.
Humiliate the "store slacker/bulshi**er" in front of customers AND employees by saying something like, "you know what, you two-faced d*ckhead, I have some things I need to set straight with your ****...."
Throw a chair through the front window as the DM walks through the door.
Have a food fight!

Posted 3 years ago #
ExtraWhipForYourBunyons

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Please see: Things to do if you are quitting/think you are being axed (page 2). You could just not show up.

Sorry about that seashellez, I saw that thread, but I figured this one might be a little bit of a different scenario as if you were to just walk in to your store, ready to work and they told you after today's shift you were going to be let go. Just wanted to get some funny input on the irritated partner's viewpoint of their final day. :)

Posted 3 years ago #
seashellez

Member
Internets:300

I would probably make all the drinks decaf and whole if possible and I would skip right over the SF syrups! And I would tell anyone that ask for a cup of water to go stand in line and order it!

Posted 3 years ago #
mallratbuxh8r

Member
Internets:28

I WOULD CRAP IN THE FRAPP. BASE..........RING UP A LATTE FOR $1,000,000 DOLLARS ( just to mess up the till), give everyone change back in PENNIES, or at least dollar bills or less if I could, ACT LIKE I WAS DEAF OR RETARDED FOR EVERY OTHER CUSTOMER THAT ORDERED......eat or mark out EVERYTHING in the pastry case and NOT RESTOCK IT. PUT SPIKE STIPS IN THE DRIVE THRU...... Mess up all the wiring on ALL the DRIVE THRU HEADSETS and take all the batteries. Switch ALL SYRUPS to LIKE COLORS OR CONTAINERS. Tell the ARSEKISSERS WHAT FAKE PILES OF HORSESHIITT THEY ARE. TELL ALL THE CATTY CONDESCENDING WOMEN HATING FEMALE BARISTAS THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE AND THAT ISN'T GOING TO ELEVATE THEIR EGO and go FCUK YOURSELF......"DO YOU ACTUALLY get PAID TO BOSS ME AROUND?....YOU'RE NOT EVEN A SHIFT MANAGER....Loser".....Then I would dump a Venti VBF with 10 SHOTS of espresso on their heads, so they will stink INDEFINITELY!!!!!!! Take a Pipe wrench and undo the dishwasher or just unplug it....SWITCH ALL THE DECAF. AND CAFF. Switch ALL the Teas.... Make EVERY drink TOTALLY wrong.....write P I SS after anything with the word PIKE on it. Put Chai instead of vanilla in ALL THE WHIPS. get on MY CELL PHONE and pretend I was TOO BUSY for the CUSTOMERS. TELL ALL THE TEENS THAT WE CAN'T SELL Them a "FRAPP" because they are too fat....Say we had to get rid of all our wireless internet because people were watching too much PORNn. Hide all the CHARGERS. Tell anyone that came in for JUST A FREE WATER THAT IT'S now $2 For a cold beverage cup alone OR GO FCUK YOURSELF YOU CHEAP SCUMFCK b/c YOUR'E NOT TIPPING ME anyway FOR WASTING MY TIME and it's against policy now to buy less than a $50 gift card and call them cheapskates when they won't buy it. Call managers from different stores ALL OVER THE area, AND SAY WE ARE DESPERATE FOR ANYTHING HEAVY..... PUT BREVE IN THE NON FAT MILK....and WIPE MY A S S HOLE WITH MY APRON BEFORE I HANDED IT IN.
Thanks for the StarFUxx Therapy ;) I feel slightly better!

Posted 3 years ago #
DARKROAST

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Wow, I feel better after reading your post, mallratsbuxh8r!!!

Posted 3 years ago #
blackwhitegrass

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Internets:50

I Would:
1.) brew decaf all day in the 'pike' and 'christmas blend'
2.) make all espresso drinks with decaf
3.) take whatever pastries and sandwiches I could manage
4.) Take all the free drink cards for myself
5.) basically be really lazy that day and not listen to any shifts or M.. let them actually do some work for once

Posted 3 years ago #
starbucksslave

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urnex lattes for all!! better run to the toilet b*tches!!

Posted 3 years ago #
mallratbuxh8r

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hahhahhaaaaa I like that Starbucksslave! Or chocolate exlax in the mocha would be great too!

Posted 3 years ago #
DARKROAST

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Internets:1,442

That's is incredibly funny-there would mass panic! Now, if we could only get other store NATIONWIDE to participate simultaneously...;)

And for my grand finale:
I would pay a bum to take a **** in the middle of the lobby.
As I sat outside and watched everyone's horrified expressions.
Smoking a cigarette.

Posted 3 years ago #
TeaMinus10

Member
Internets:125

Man, I got the axe on Tuesday (two days ago) and had I known, I would have stolen everything I could lay my little hands on! They accused me of stealing, so why not encourage their accusations?! I also would have told off a few of the more snotty hags that come in to the mall where that Starbucks is. Ohhh, yeah, I would've put lemon juice in ALL the milks, in the coffees, put small holes in the five pound bags of coffee, ohh, I could go on and on....

but dang it, I got fired before I could do ANY of those things!

Posted 3 years ago #
DARKROAST

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@teaminus: do you know anyone who would do something in your honor? Hahaha!

Posted 3 years ago #
TeaMinus10

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Internets:125

DARK: Actually, a friend of mine and I were talking about that yesterday! LOL. We were trying to figure out if it would be better to put lemon juice in the milk carafes while the store was really busy or just slightly busy! However, there are cameras in this mall and I'd sure as hell hate to get my friend in trouble...

I don't have any desire to go back to that mall. Bunch of over-priced crap merchandise and rich, snooty people who looked down their plastic noses at us lowly baristas...

I still fantasize about telling off that witch who got me in trouble last week about her Gold Card. Ohhh, I would let her have it! LOL.

Posted 3 years ago #
TeaMinus10

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Internets:125

There's two stores there that I loved to make fun of. Essentially the same store... "Pottery Barn" and "Pottery Barn-Kids".

Of course, I called them both "Snottery Barn". LOL.

Some of my best customers work at Snottery Barn so I never said that in front of them. Poor dears couldn't help where they found a job. Just like me...

Posted 3 years ago #
upandatum

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Internets:41

Lemon juice?? I think i'd burn the place to the ground.

Posted 3 years ago #
Fire

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Internets:8

Submit to mission review, while I was getting PAID, that not combining partner discounts with the $7.95 Christmas Blend special proves:
Sbux thinks it's hot stuff, but it's just cold VIArheea.

Posted 3 years ago #
Strbr0823

Member
Internets:30

If I came in and they told me that I wouldn't have a job after that shift, I'd wait until it got really busy, (Like a busload of rabid, diaper-wearing, hard-of-hearing seniors/Twilight-wearing, pink-haired, overweight snotty teenagers) And then, I'd walk out, leaving them one person down in the middle of a rush. I'd probably knock over a few mochas and dump a few gallons of milk over on my way out, too, haha!

Posted 3 years ago #
pap3rf1sh

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Internets:332

well first, I would park my car RIGHT in front of the DT. then I'd go inside and break as much stuff as possible. I'd plug up the bathroom sink and leave them running.

if a customer complained that their drink was wrong I would yell back at them and say "get back here and make it YOURSELF you ugly piece of ****!"

every customer who wanted a pastry I would say "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW that's **** disgusting I want to THROW UP how do you even EAT THAT ****?"

if a customer on a cell phone walked up to the register, I'd grab their cell phone, throw it on the ground and STOMP on it.

any customer who didn't say what size drink they wanted I'd say "WHAT THE **** IS YOUR PROBLEM HOW HARD IS IT TO SAY WHAT SIZE YOU WANT YOU MORON? do you want a venti for your fat @ss?"

if a customer threw their credit card at me I would grab my scissors and cut it up into 100 pieces.

when a regular came in, I would lick the inside rim of their cup right in front of them and then mark their drink

then before I left I would grab the really hot barista that always flirts with me, **** him in the bathroom, and say PEACE OUT STARF*CKS!

Posted 3 years ago #
coffeesoldier

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hey paperfish you sound hot

Posted 3 years ago #
pap3rf1sh

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crazy=hot?

Posted 3 years ago #
COFFEE_RAGE

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if that happened to me, it finally tell the stupid **** who sits at the bar to stick a **** broom handle up his **** and leave me the **** alone. Socially inept pigfucker!

Next Visine drops in peoples drinks all day, its the screaming **** it is!!

also, id smoke up in the back room come out high as **** and let the **** storm of insults to the fat customers continue!

Posted 3 years ago #
unheardcry

Member
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wow, i totally feel so much better after reading all this. it's nice to know that my feelings of being returning all the hate i receive from not only the customers but my coworkers as well.
-everyone would be decaffed on my last day and the beans would be switched too.
-the chocolate ex lax in the mocha is an awesome idea!!!
-and i would tell everyone how via taste like crap and they are wasting their money on it.
-for all my regulars who waste so much money in my store, just because you are holding an overpriced drink in your hand does not make you a better person, it only shows how lazy you are that you can't take the time to make your own freakin coffee in the mornin.
-and while i set up the pastry case, i would continuously scratch my **** while handling the pastries without wearing gloves.
-and as for the two faced shifts and co workers, i would probably stick nails in their tires or put sugar in their gas tanks.
-tell everyone that orders nonfat beverages with whip that they deserve all the junk in their trunk!!!
-one last thing i always wanted to do, super glue all of the milk caraffes closed

Posted 2 years ago #
decafwarrior

Member
Internets:161

- When someone asked for water, I would give them a cup from the used mop bucket.
- I would give an extra shot to EVERYONE! Coffee is bad for you, and it would cost the company $
- If someone wanted me to make their drink with extra love, I would add some " cream ".
- I would put a few smoke fireworks in the espresso machine drawers and pretend to freak out
- I would call a taxi and say it was for the manager, so when the guy showed up there would be an issue
- I would throw a frappuccino as hard as I could at the wall
- Id light up my cigarette and keep making drinks like it was perfectly normal.
- Id take off my sock and put my foot on the counter and stretch out those toes.
- On my last 10 min break I would cover my apron in blood from an uncooked steak
- I would FINALLY tell that beautiful woman she has nice ****
- I would go in the back room, rip the cd player out, take it in the cafe, and hit it with a sledgehammer
- While working the drive through, I would obviously read a playboy while helping the customer
- I would fill my coffee tumbler with tequila
- I would take a copy of onward and put it near the toilet
- I would have my wife come in and shag me right then and there in front of everyone

but seriously, I wouldn't do any of those things. I would probably just call in sick, and come up with some excuse to make whoever was responsible feel really bad about firing you

Posted 1 year ago #
Cinniminnimonlatte

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@pap3rf1sh if a some throws their card at you and they're a complete ahole just demagnatize their card, you just have to swipe the black strip over something sharp a few times

Posted 1 year ago #
12345678

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Internets:883

if I was told tomorrow was my last day I would be very happy on some level.. I know Sbux is holding me back but I'm too afraid of uncertainty and change to actually quit.. If I were fired it might be just the motivation I need.

Posted 1 year ago #
toffeecoffee

Member
Internets:111

I'd sleep in & not show up. I do wish on one of my last days that I chewed this one girl out who thinks she's SM but she's not even a SS and an a$$ kisser. Ooh she was annoying. I mean who the eff works at SB for 6 years and doesn't get promoted ? Oh ya her----bc no one likes her!!! Lol

Posted 1 year ago #
Quackers

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Internets:460

Lol eff that. I'd clock out, steal stuff, and head home. I'm not gonna finish my shift if it was my last day because I got fired.

Posted 1 year ago #
CoconutLime

Member
Internets:102

I concur with Quackers! I'd pirate and plunder the hell out of my store, hug my coworkers goodbye (they're all cool), and I'd say to my SM: "You know...I feel sorry for you. It must be excruciating knowing that you have given up your personal identity in favor of collective corporate conformity. You were probably really cool before you joined the company. Oh well...SAYONARA SUCKA!!"

I'd then proceed to exit the store doing multiple acrobatics. :-P

Posted 1 year ago #
FUsbux

Member
Internets:325

I wouldnt show up. unless i was in some crazy mood and wanted to tell everyone off that i couldnt stand.

Posted 1 year ago #

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