I could do a couple of these:
Dear Starbucks Customers,
You think you know about coffee because you memorized a make-believe list of names in the same way you memorized all the character names from Lord of the Rings. You have been given a corporate brainwashing into thinking that because you go to Starbucks you know something about coffee. You sit at the sidewalk table so everyone can see you drinking your fat-laden, hot milkshake. I walk by and giggle at your sorry, rolling folds of fat hanging over your belt and picture your arteries gaining little arteriosclerosis deposits which will eventually have you clutching your chest and thinking about mommy one last time.
But that's all fine. Go there, eat there, drink there. But be aware that you work somewhere too, and all those folks working at Starbucks to whom you are rude have time off sometimes. So if you feel a blunt object at the back of your head, and you look up after hitting the ground, face first, and see a sea of green aprons giving you the beat-down you so well deserve, that you may not deserve it, but you sure earned it.
[PS- my wife worked as a service rep for the phone company for a full 30 years and had to take the same sort of crap from the same sort of folks.].
Why in the name of Arabica did you take what could have been the world's greatest opportunity to serve great coffee and teach the public what great coffee is and turn it into one of the worst workplaces serving some of the most ridiculous coffee beverages, possibly only second to Kopi Luwak. Being an ex-teacher, I really hate to see educational opportunities wasted. You not only wasted one, but **** all over it when it was down and out.
I suggest you stop shaving for three days, put on a pair of old Levis and a T-shirt, and spend some time in a few of the busier shops and see what REALLY goes on outside of the Crystal palace in which you live.
Maybe start listening to your rank and file employees about how they are treated in this job market. There is no excuse to treat human beings this way.
AND FOR GOD SAKES, bring back some REAL espresso machines and teach people how to use them so if I ever lose my mind and walk into a SBs, I can order a straight espresso without fear of having to spit it out on the floor!
.... That was for all you folks...
You can't be fired. Slaves have to be sold.