Based on the Yahoo Article, but less bull and more fact. If you're a customer and you're reading this, take note. (EDIT: 666 internets)
10 Things Baristas Won't Tell You... (but DrySharpie will)
1. We judge you on what you order, and how you order it.
"I want a kar-mul frapp, extra kar-mul." What size, you idiot. Order something that's not coffee at Starbucks? We judge you too. Secret menu nonsense drink? We definitely judge you. Line's out the door, and you still join it??? You get the point, I hope.
2. We clean the restroom and then make your drinks too.
What goes around comes around. Enjoy the extra butt chocolate on that JCF.
3. You can't taste the difference, so stop making it so complicated.
You ordered some stupid drink involving fractions of caffeine and 1% milk. What I'm actually making for you is decaf and nonfat. Twät.
4. Trying to milk us? We are smarter than you think.
Don't try to con us with your obvious "3 shots espresso in a venti cup with breve/soy to the top line and the rest filled with ice." You'll get decaf and charged extra. Don't try to change your drink to soy after you paid for the drink. You'll get decaf and leftover mystery milk. Separate transactions to gain more stars? Decaf. Sneeze on the money you're handing me? Decaf.
5. We've heard your excuse hundreds of times a day.
"But I just refilled it yesterday! But they charge me less at my store! But they always do this at my store! I don't have anything smaller than a $100. Waah waah waahhh!"
Shut up and get out. Go back to whatever pathetic store you came from and die there.
6. If you try to pull some tomfoolery order with your 593/594 postcard, we're going to decaf your drink. Then visit you at your residence and stab you.
A free drink every 15 purchases is not an excuse to stop acting like a decent human being. It's your birthday? Don't ruin it for the rest of us. Your mailing address is printed on that card, you know?
7. We play favorites. You're not one of them.
If you're on your cellphone, if you ask for extra caramel, if your drink order is more complicated than 10 syllables (ex. decaf grande vanilla soy latte)... you're getting charged full price (plus extra if we don't like you). Meanwhile, the tall bold regular customer behind you is only charged the price of a refill.
8. We do more work in one 8-hour shift than you do in your desk jockey job all week.
So stop telling ME to drink some coffee. I did not wake up at the buttcrack of dawn (♥ chrisizzle) to hear it from you. "But all you do is push a button..." Yeah and for you I'm pushing decaf.
9. Howard Schultz calls Starbucks a third place. But we're still running a business here.
I see you walking in with outside food, or a laptop. I know exactly what you're doing, and I think even less of you as a human being. You will be the first person I kick out when customers ask for seating.
I see you rushing in for the restroom. I hope you pee your pants.
"Is the music too loud for you? Is the AC/heat too high for you? Are there no more available chairs for your book club? Oh you want your 5th free refill of the day? Get out."
10. There are worse things we can do besides decaffing your drink.
We make your drinks, and we toast your food. We also handle dangerous chemicals. Do not screw with us. If you go the extra mile to harass us, we could return the favor.
Remember to tip your barista.
