Dear Drive Thru Customers,
On behalf of the baristas at Starbucks Corporation, I would like to thank you for your patronage. We appreciate the continuous harassment, humiliation, and verbal assault you disburse on a daily basis.
However, in light of a recent inclination of phantom modifiers, that is the ones you ask about at the window but never asked for at the box, I have recently adopted a strict policy of lies. Blatant lies. If you ask, "Is this extra hot?" at the window, but never said it originally, I will simply tell you, "Yes," hand you a sleeve, and send you on your merry way. Is this nonfat? Same answer.
However, some of you have gotten smart. You have begun to ask, "Is that true?" to the DT Bar partner. However through a highly sophisticated collaboration using our barista telepathy, the bar partner will give you the same answer.
Be fooled. We are lying to you. Straight faced. Your drink, in actuality, is NOT extra hot. It is 160°F. We do not feel it necessary to cave to your foolish demands.
Sincerely,
IceCapp