Today I tried making latte art, but I only drew d-cks. I'm not very good at it, so they were very abstract and I'm sure only the dirty minded would notice. But it put a smile on my face and got me through a long shift that was one giant rush.
What are tiny passive-aggressive things you do to get through the day?
I don't hand out straws. I will point over them to the ones we keep on the condiment bar. Don't stand there staring at me with doe eyes because you can't spend one second looking around to find them yourself!
This is gonna sound really stupid but whenever I make caramel macchiatos I like to write dirty things with the caramel on top instead of the stupid crosshatched pattern... like "f*** you" "whor*" "fml" etc... It makes me feel good knowing the customers are drinking my slander.
The occasional times we run out of stir sticks or big straws or small straws there's always that ONE guy who's having a conniption over it. So I tell him we don't have any left. That's never the case, we always have straws and stir sticks but I get a sick satisfaction out of watching grown professional men and fumble over themselves trying to figure out what to do next. Surely not use the other size straw! It's like watching a mouse navigate a maze.
"BOOHOO, THERE ARE NO SMALL STRAWS. I CAN'T WALK 2 BLOCKS TO ANOTHER STARBUCKS TO GET ONE."
i draw upside-down pentagrams in the caramel macchiatos of douchebags because i think it will make them homesick for hell.
**** me off, you better say yes to a receipt for your card, otherwise your order will throw you into overdraft protection...
When customers start aggravating me, I don't want to do **** for them... and I kind of stretch the truth about things that we appear to have run out of (but really, we probably have in the back). No spoons for your yogurt? Ah darn! All we've got are forks! They always think I'm kidding... but I'm not.
Also, the way my store is set up, customers sometimes encroach in our space... our little swinging doors are sometimes open and they'll be standing right next to me, inching their way in, watching, waiting for their drink. Breathing down my **** neck. This bothers the **** out of me. I do two things. First, I very dramatically close the doors on them and stare them down. Second, once I finish their drink, while they are standing beside me, waiting for me to hand it over to them... I will call it out in the opposite direction, and put it out of reach on the handoff, so they have to walk around to grab it. I try to be as much of a jerk about it as possible. :)
"i draw upside-down pentagrams in the caramel macchiatos of douchebags because i think it will make them homesick for hell."
Stagworks needs to be quoted because this made me snicker to myself.
@STAGWORKS: I USED TO DO THE SAME THING!
i push water cups back behind PAYING Customers' drinks.
i will steam the wrong milk for this dude who try to tell me my job.
Pulled out a bag of espresso, poured it into my main hopper, realized it was decaf, said **** it, and kept pouring until the whole thing was full. Started as an accident, ended with intentional decaffing of the next 100 or so customers. That made today so much easier to get through.
!!! I draw pen1ses, too! :D I don't know if this board censors "pen1s", but I'm not taking the chance...lol
I like looking at a customer in line when I'm on bar so that they think I will help them. Once they start moving out of line I just turn away and do something else. Is that mean?
Also, if I ask "Hello, how are you today?" and get a drink order as a response, I say "Oh yeah, I'm feeling (drink order) myself today as well."
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