..Baristas really hate it when you try to use our DT window as a gas station garbage can.. Please don't ask us to throw away your discussing trash from your road trip.
Sincerely,
An irritated, under paid green appron wearer..
What would your letter to a customer say?
Dear customers,
I know we're located in the middle of the grocery store, but that does not mean I can ring up all your groceries, just because you're buying a coffee. Also, you cannot use your gold card to pay for groceries either. Throwing a hissy fit about it won't make me change my mind, and no, you can't just pay for your coffee at the register either. It's also not my fault if you can't wait the few moments for your beverage to be made, and decide to go shop for an hour. If your drink is nasty by the time you get back, too bad, I'm not remaking it. Also, just because we're a licensed store, does not mean we're not a real Starbucks. We're held to the same standards, we make all the same drinks, we go through the same training, our District Manager is from corporate, and we even accept your precious gold cards. So, yes, expect me to get snippy when you say I'm not "real," because I bust my **** just as much as partners in a corporate location do. Don't like it? Go to a "real" Starbucks.
Sincerely,
A very disgruntled and under appreciated barista
Dear customers,
If you haven't decided what you want after ten minutes waiting in the queue, then GTFO of my store.
Sincerely etc etc
Dear Customer,
I hate you. I want to slice open your stomach with my pastry knife. And pull out that caramel macchiato I just made you. You don't deserve the handiwork, the creation, the beauty of it. Fresh bottle of vanilla. Recently filled bean hopper. Perfect foam - my specialty. Perfect weight. Creamy shots. The most amazing cross-hatch I've ever encountered.
And what do you do? Grab it, rush over to the condiment bar, STIR IT, throw in 8 packets of splenda, STIR IT AGAIN, and then come back asking for whip cream. NO. I will not soon forget this.
Preach it Rage-ista!!!!
Dear Customers,
If you would like a bottle of water/yogurt/sandwich, please grab it out of the case. Don't tell me you want one and then expect me to leave my register so I can go and hand it to you. I need to ring it up, you idiot.
Also: DO NOT POINT TO THE PASTRY YOU WANT. I can't tell which one you are pointing at. They have names. Use your words.
Dear Customers,
The person at the register does not magically make your lattes appear. You are not special. You must go stand by the bar with all the other customers and wait for you beverage. Staring at me like you are a hybrid between a lost puppy and a psycho killer will not get you special treatment.
Sincerely,
The barista you have now officially creeped out.
Dear customer
Telling me you want the £2.40 hot chocolate doesn't tell me anything. Tell me the size. Is our menu that difficult to figure out?
It has gotten to the point that I refuse to look round.
Dear Customers,
If you want me to continue to be pleasant, please stop throwing your money/ card on the counter and expecting me to pick it up, charge you, then place your change and receipt gently into your hand. You make me feel like a dirty monkey servant when you don't respect the fact that I'm a human being trying to earn a living on minimum wage by serving you.
If you order a mocha, white mocha, hot chocolate, or cinnamon dolce latte, PLEASE don't make a face of disgust when i ask if you're okay with the whipped cream that comes on it, and tell me " NO!" it comes ON THE DRINK! I've stopped caring about a week ago, so if you don't want it, you're going to have to figure it out on your own and tell me ahead of time.
Stop allowing your kids to order for themselves, then correct them and change their order. It's annoying.
Stop refilling that 2 month old paper cup with coffee. Does it really feel that good to steal? Ohh, and you'll probably contract a severe stomach bug that will give you explosive diarrhea and vomiting because it's NOT SAFE or clean to do that. I hope it's worth it.
Starting your drink order with "i'll just have..." and following it with a complicated drink with 6 modifiers makes my blood boil.
DO NOT TOUCH THE CUPS. EVER. Don't grab anything behind the counter or anything you are not going to purchase. We don't want to know where you're grubbies have been. It's unsanitary.
Stop ordering everything with extra caramel. We secretly hate it when you do.
It's not cool when you try and add modifiers after you pay. Syrups, shots and soy cost EXTRA you cheap jerk. Don't act like we don't know what you're trying to pull.
Dear Customer -
What size? Why is it so difficult to tell me this critical info? And when you place your personal tumbler in front of me and I ask you if it's 12 or 16 ounces...I just don't believe you when you tell me you don't know. How can you not know? It looks like you have used it a thousand times without washing it, so surely someone mentioned what size it was?? Or surely you know how much you usually pay for it to be filled???
PS: I refuse to ask any more so everyone is getting grande.
Dear customer,
If I great you with a friendly (and usually genuine) "hello, how are you?" and your response is a merely a blank look, you're getting an earful of small talk chatter from me and decaf!
Dear Customers,
When you bring your personal cup in, please make sure YOU'VE cleaned it first. I'm not your personal dish washer. I only have about 10 million other dishes to wash so I can keep making your high maitence crazy insane drinks. Please stop making up drinks that are not a standard drink, then get mad at me when its not made the way that other barista at that other store made you that one time. Please stop asking me to put honey packets in your ice teas and tell me it didn't mix right, I know it didn't mix right cause the ice makes it cold. DUH??!!?
Sincerely,
Your Green Apron Wearing Slave...
dear customers,
between the poor communication skills, the messiness, and the temper tantrums I'd swear you're all infants. but at least babies are cute.
Dear customer,
When it's 7 AM, and you come through my DT getting just a coffee and trying to pay with a $50 IS going to result in me trying to explain to you that I don't have the change because we don't keep a bank vault hidden in our registers. Hissing at me, "Well, that's all I have so you'd better find some change." will only get you a big cup of decaf.
Sincerely,
Me
PS: He paid with debit. ****.
Dear customers,
NO THIS ISN'T A **** AMERICANO IT'S A POUROVER YOU PIECE OF ****. IM NOT TRICKING YOU
Dear regulars,
I just started and I see many, many people a day. I understand that you come here every day but that does not mean that you do not need to tell me exactly how you want in your drink, especially if you get so mad that it's wrong.
Dear Customers,
Please be courteous and bathe before coming in. Actually, before going anywhere. No one wants to smell you. I'd also appreciate it if you didn't get all up in my space smelling like you do. For those of you that think 'bathing' means 'drowining self in cologne/perfumes,' it does not. Thank you.
Dear Customer,
Yes, you can have a sample of our Komodo Dragon! It's our dark roast coffee of the day. I have some hot sample sized cups right here! Oh, no, why would I put it in a short cup? Samples go in sample cups.
I know what you're trying to pull, and it won't work on me! And I'll smile all the way through.
Dear Customers,
If I happen to see you outside of Starbucks, like the grocery store, the bank, post office, ANYWHERE... Please don't don't hug me. I only make your coffee... I have a bubble, please don't get in it.
Thanks!!!!
Sincerely,
A green apron -don't **** touch me- wearer
Dear Customers,
Where are you even GETTING $100 bills? ATMs give out $20s. Banks/grocery stores will give you smaller denominations. WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THAT LARGE A BILL IN THE FIRST PLACE? No, I will not accept it for a $2.45 coffee.
Dear Customers,
Stop trying to constantly make myself, and my fellow baristas, and shifts and managers, feel like complete jackasses, and like we know nothing at all about the drinks we make and the food we sell. Stop trying to "impress" us with your know-it-all attitude that is always, usually 95% of the time wrong. Thank you.
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