Rule 1: Wish for one thing to change at Starbucks
Rule 2: Grant the wish above yours, but find a way to ruin it.
Example: I wish there were no public restrooms at Starbucks.
Granted, and now you have nowhere to pee everyday at work.
Let's start with an easy one: I wish customers would tip more.
Granted, but now they feel more entitled to special treatment.
I wish our stores weren't open so late.
Your store now opens THAT early.
I wish they would discontinue Frappuccinos.
Granted. But now everyone gets an ice blended caramel macchiato.
I wish we had a longer lunch.
Granted, but we would have to be there longer for the same pay.
I wish we could say no.
Granted, but you get one free "no" per shift & every other customer with an issue must get a right now recovery & a certificate.
I wish Starbucks had custom photo Starbucks cards.
Granted, but they dont need to be censored so you have the pleasure of seeing people's junk all day long
I wish the drive thru didn't exist.
Drive-thru windows are replaced by walk-up windows. And cars will barrel onto the sidewalk, sideswiping patio furniture and pedestrians to get to the window.
I wish we could charge for iced water! >:)
granted. however the charge is only for the cup, so people bring in their own cups and you get to hold peoples nasty disease cups and fill them with ice water!
i wish we didnt make soy drinks.
granted, but now we have almond milk & customers bring their own soy.
I wish we could wear black jeans & have pictures on regular weekday shirts.
You can, and now the customers can walk in shirt-less and barefoot.
I wish we got substantial dollar raises instead of cents.
Granted but to pay for it all drinks go up the same amount and customers take it out on you.
I wish it was illegal to ask for no foam.
Granted, but bone-dry becomes the new standard.
I wish we didn't have a Coffee Cadence.
Granted, but you have to do a pour over for every single coffee.
I wish we didn't have so many cleaning tasks.
granted, now you have moldy pitchers and black floors.
i wish we didnt have to give out free refreshers next friday
Granted, but now frappuccino happy hour is back instead for the rest of the summer.
I wish we were never understaffed.
granted, now you have 5 people at each station, constantly hitting eachother, smashed onto one bar.
i wish we could pick and choose our customers
Granted. They now have the ability to fire us.
I wish we could beat the campers/homeless that take up space and bathe in the WC.
granted.however they have aids, herpes and are zombies who fight dirty.
I wish there was not even the idea of the secret menu at starbucks that customers think they know about
Granted. No longer is there any secret menus... it's all up there, officially!
I wish we didn't customize drinks at all.
Granted, and now you must memorize many more drink recipes. Consequently, Starbucks' new slogan is 'Your drink; your name!' since the one millionth drink was created.
I wish we were paid more without losing our health benefits to match the amount of life force that this job drains out of us on a daily basis.
You get paid more, but the cost of living skyrockets due to coffee price inflation.
I wish I could get all of us IHS working at one super slow store with a great manager and nice customers.
Granted, but our store is incurably filthy.
I wish we could get paid for our lunch breaks and vacation time.
Granted, but now our shifts are 12 hours long 7 days a week.
I wish we could play our own music in the store.
granted, now your ss is playing the chicken dance ALL DAY LONG.
i wish customers tipped more!
Granted, but now you get paid less and rely more on your tips, like waiters/waitresses do.
I wish people would stop ordering smoothies.
Granted, now you have to make EVERY frappuccino with a banana and protein
i wish that we could have life musicians play all day long, everyday
ketchup's live musicians are homeless people who demand frappuccinos for each performance. "It's in the contract!"
I wish the Starbucks Union actually had some power.
Granted, but the Union's request for less clopens and less 12 hour shifts results in 4 hour shifts 3 days per week for each barista. Thus, we all die of starvation, penniless and alone, out on the streets.
I wish Starbucks would change the "cold bev sequencing" routine.
Granted, but now you have to make two cold bevs per customer, and draw artsy pictures on the cup to create inspired moments in their day.
I wish somebody would spank me in the starbucks lobby.
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