Mine are:
1. Grande Green Tea Frappacino - who ordered clearly and confidently over the drive through and confirmed when I repeated it back, and promptly got to window, paid, and waited for me to hand out the drink before he told me,
"It's supposed to be hot".
When I told him that he ordered a frappacino, he rolled his eyes and goes, "No, I SAID a LATTE!".
The '**** got it remade for free, too, because management are wimps.
2. Grande half bold, hald decaf brewed coffee - who came in right at 12, the week after we started ending the cadence at 11.
"NO!!!!" *slams fist on counter* "I come in here BEFORE (fist slam)12 JUST (fist slam) so I can have (fist slam) MY COFFEE!!! This is ridiculous. I don't have time to wait for pour over. Just give me a cup of hot water. I have a VIA packet in my car."
3. Venti Iced Coffee with 4 Splenda and Cream - comes up to hand-off plane and grabs the Iced Venti Vanilla Latte I had just called out.
(We were extremely busy and I was the only barista on bar for drive-thru and cafe, so I had no idea what he had actually ordered).
"Is this having the four splenda?" He is frowning, obviously wishing he knew more English.
"No, that one does not have any splenda. It is a vanilla latte," I say.
"Oh okay. So no splenda?" Still frowning. I am busy trying to make 3 drinks.
"No, sir, that one does not have splenda."
"Okay." He takes the drink and goes to the condiment bar. A few seconds later I call out a Venti Iced Coffee with 4 Splenda and Cream. A man at the bar, who has been standing there for a couple minutes, picks it up, looking confused, and sets it back down. He starts tapping his foot impatiently.
"What are you waiting on, sir?" I ask cheerfully.
"I had a Venti Iced Vanilla -"
"OH! I take yours! SORRY!" Interrupts the first customer, who of course has already put in a straw, s*** tons of extra splenda, and started drinking it.
He tries to give it back to the other guy, and I try to tell him to just keep it, as well as his correct venti iced coffee with 4 splendas and cream. Due to a newbie spilling stiff and us being busy, there is literally nowhere for me to sit it, and nobody to dump it for me. He is, of course, confused. Then, once he figures it out, that he is getting an extra drink for being an ****hat, he gets a look on his face that tells me he will be back doing this again and again. *facepalm*
4. Any of the many Asian men who frequent our cafe (which is near an airport and a shopping mall), who can't speak or understand a lick of English, and who try to describe the type of drink they want by randomly naming drink ingredients with no idea what numbers are in English either. Often, they want shots over ice, so they can go add their own milk. Or maybe this is just what my coworkers have decided to give them, since nobody know WTF they are saying. If it was me, I would always give them iced or brewed coffee and let them figure out the rest themselves! No need to let them use all the milk/cream on the condiment bar as well!
If I was traveling, instead of word vomiting nonsense at the locals to try to get EXACTLY what I wanted, I would read the d*** menu and attempt to correctly pronounce something on it. Or ask for a plain coffee and add my own condiments! But no, if I try to clarify what they are saying, they simply repeat the same thing over and over, looking at me as if I must be the stupid one to not understand my own mangled language!
"Coffee. Shots. Milk. With cream? Sugar. Size. One." <= This is exactly what one of them said to me three times in a row today. I finally just said "OK!" and gave him iced coffee with cream and sugar. Who knows.